A tete-a-tete with my ache

 

Ache:	Hey there, honey!
Me:	(I look up glumly)
Ache:	One of those days that you're invoking my transformational powers, eh?
Me:	About time you stopped making fun of my lows.
Ache:	Lows? You call them lows? I provide free-of-cost revelations to you, and you label them lows? I mean, people hire fancy consultants for unearthing those nuggets of gold.
Me:	Not all your revelations are pleasant, you know.
Ache:	If they were, you wouldn’t have developed the ability for compassion, would you?
Me:	Agree. And I’m also human, and I also need compassion. Now do you mind leaving me alone? (I choke)
Ache:	There, there…I would leave you forever, if that’s what makes you happy. I am not an unsolicited guest anyway.
Me:	Is it? When did I invite you, I don’t remember.
Ache:	Long, long time ago my dear. You resolved to love. You resolved to learn. You resolved to grow. You resolved to explore. You resolved to trust. I am the price you pay for these beauties.
Me:	That one should pay so dearly for wanting to be good and do good…I can’t fathom this.
Ache:	Well, well…you’re latching on to the wrong train of thought. Prices are meant to be paid. Good or bad, no experience comes for free. How you experience the paying process is what makes all the difference.
Me:	Didn’t get it..
Ache:	Let me explain. Say, you love someone. If they love you back, you can pay through gratitude or service. You can also pay through dominance and envy. If they don’t love you back, you can pay through empathy for the unloved, or self-introspection. You can also pay through bitterness of unrequited love. There’s payment involved in every process. The currency is your feeling. The feeling is your choice.
Me:	And how about being wronged, how does one deal with that?
Ache:	You just learn what not to be. Which is as important, if not more, than knowing what to be.
Me:	And what about loss? Loss of people and situations we hold dear?
Ache:	Loss is pretty conducive, if not essential, to growth. It conditions your mind to take hits. It keeps your eyes and soul moist. And moisture is where new life grows. All the art, poetry, songs, and stories – emanate from loss.
Me:	Then just where do you draw the line? On this logic, you take everything away from a woman and tell her it’s for her poetry?
Ache:	Of course there’s a line. One loss is to lose what’s not under your control, what I just said. The other loss – to lose by force or malice – is what causes change, revolution, imbalance, and a new order. In either case, it’s a helpful phenomenon. And in either case, you can let it change you for the better or the worse.
Me:	(I nod, more to myself)
Ache:	I know it’s hard to think straight when I am around.
Me:	I don’t want to think, I just want to live without you – even if for a short time. Just tell me the way to do it.
Ache:	The real ways or the fake ways?
Me:	Both (my curiosity is piqued)
Ache:	Ok, so I will start with the fake ways first. You can try deceptive sainthood. In the name of nihilism, you can go about your life doing nothing and being nothing. Or you can try to drown your sorrows but turning into a sadist. Or you can choose to be tone-deaf to the wailing of your soul by crowding your time and space with things – material or otherwise. Or turn to drug abuse. I call these ways fake because they don’t last. All of us have got to earn our peace, and the world typically asks a lot in return. Fake givers can’t give much.
Me:	Hmm, and the real ways?
Ache:	Honestly, there is only one sure shot way of avoiding pain. Which is to give up all desires.
Me:	That would make life so…insipid.
Ache:	Maybe. Maybe not. And given your life stage and passions, I won’t recommend that to you.
Me:	Then what would you rather recommend, maám?
Ache:	Detached attachment. Both with feelings, and with endeavours. Feel as much love your heart can hold and beyond. Undertake as much labour your mind can assimilate and beyond. Commit your mind, heart, and soul into these. But stay detached with the results. Desire only what the process brings you, and treat results with surprise.
Me:	Who do you think I am? A saint?
Ache:	Nah, saints won’t bother with even the doing, let alone the achieving. Why I ask you to do, and do with all your soul, is because that is what brings meaning to life.
Me:	So you are asking me to shelve happiness and chase meaning?
Ache:	Chase meaning, yes. As for happiness, or sadness, that’s again your response. And responses are ephemeral. Meaning and purpose are eternal.
I look at Ache with a broken heart but a joined soul. She looks at me through still, deep eyes. At last, I admit.
Me:	Yes, you’ve always been my best teacher.
Without another word, she dissolves.