life's a kick

Dear Rain, You had been hiding from me for quite a while. I looked around, searched every corner for the slightest trace of you. Allowed my heart to run wild at the weakest indication of you coming…the mildest storm; the gurgling thunder, the incipient earthy smell. But you – you kept my heart on a leash, bruising it unfailingly each time. Bumping it over thorny hope. Tantalising. Teasing. Setting the stage for a grand shower, and ending up in a mocking trickle. Why would you do that to a lover so staunch, only your kind will know, some of who are also in my acquaintance. Like theirs, I know not your reasons. The last I had a meal full of you was in Bokaro. Then came Delhi, dry and unsparing. Merciless and wrathful. Your lack alone keeps the city of my breeding an arm’s length from my heart. It takes moisture, of form and being, to stay in my soul. But this time, O! beloved, I chased you straight to your roosting place. Goa. And then it dawned upon me – you too had been...

दिल्ली में बारिश मज़ाक सा लगता है... ठीक वैसा, जैसा कभी तुमने मेरे साथ किया था आए थे, तो सिर्फ जाने के लिए मिले थे, जैसे एहसान जताने के लिए जितना सुकून दे न गए उससे कहीं अधिक बेचैनी बढ़ा गए तन तो गीला कर गए पर मन सूखा छोड़ गए बिन मौसम आए बिन मौसम बरसे पर जब मन से पुकारा, जब दिल से आह भरी, जब हाथ जोड़ कर बिनती की, जब आँसू तक राह देखते थक गए, तब तब ज़ालिम तब तुम न आए दिल्लगी करने के लिए कुछ और न मिला था क्या... जो मेरी तमन्नाओं के साथ खेलते रहे? तुम्हारा मज़ाक दिल दुखाने वाला मज़ाक ठीक दिल्ली की बारिश जैसा लगता है...

Skies, don't rain. no no no don't you show me the color of darkening heavens don't spurt the smell of earth that leavens don't rain, oh! please don't for rain reverses the scene wounds that time had dried rain opens them green it's not that time ever healed it just hid behind the crust the pain the longing the love moving on is time's lust all is well, I've taken it accepted that flowers won't bloom that land of my heart will be barren that silence will ache in gloom so don't rain, oh! cruel you don't show the possibility of hope Rejection - I've handled so often that Love - I won't be able to cope I wanna tear apart, you clouds! I wanna howl and shout in your face I'm creature of the wilderness don't need your rain and grace Hardened thickened scarred i can play with degrees of pain my edifice shatters, my base is bored when falls the first drop of rain lemme live, lemme survive oh! do...

Woke up to a misty morning. Got lovely dovey with ma. Went for a dip. Swam for over an hour. Came back. For the tenth day in a row, gyrated the hoola hoop in the hope to master it someday. Could manage only 7 hoops at max. The same as yesterday. But I remain stubborn. As if trying to make my Sunday, the weather gods decided to rain! Aah...rain for me...like dope for an addict. Inevitably, got drenched again :) After the rain, went for a pleasure stroll with ma. Hand in hand on the wet roads of Dwarka. Ended up buying veggies and milk...anything for that walk with ma. Took out my cycle for repair. Gladly parted with Rs 20, the cost of fixing tyre puncture. Tried to remember which part of my car costs as less as that? Couldn’t recall any. Went for a leisurely cycle ride. Something was wrong with Delhi weather on this Sunday. It was unimaginably good. Kept reminding me of Bokaro. Came back home, and put the CD player on full volume like a brat! From kailash kher’s soul stirrin...

Flowers are back on the branches fragrance is back in the air back is the spring in your garden back are your memories but you are still not there...

अबकी सावन फिर आया है, बताना उन्हें दिखाना उन्हें, वो सड़कें जो पत्तों से ढकी हुई हैं वो टहनियाँ जो फूलों से लदी हुई हैं वो सुबह-सुबह कोयल का गाना वो भीनी सी खुशबू का हर पल आना वो झरने की रिमझिम तरंग वो दिल का उछलता पतंग वो प्रेमी जोड़ियों का मुग्ध संग वो प्रेम के धागों से जुड़े हुए अंग वो दिन की ज़रा-ज़रा से धूप वो धरा का खिला खिला रूप... अबकी सावन फिर आया है, बतान उन्हें। एक और गर्मी बीत गयी, उनके पसीने की ठंडक को छूए बिना एक और बरसात टल गयी, उनके जिस्म को आप में घोले बिना एक और पतझड़ चला गया, उनके साथ एक लंबी सैर किए बिना एक और सर्दी पार हुई, उनके बाहों में सिकुड़कर सोए बिना... अबकी सावन फिर आया है, बताना उन्हें याद दिलाना उन्हें, कि मैं आज भी जीती हूँ उनसे दूर बिताए लम्हों को, उँगलियों पर गिनती हूँ...

Nature is playing a cruel game when steeped in his arms, i prayed you to rain but all you lashed was wind in vain now i stare lone and slain and now you shower time and again wounds get wet deepening the pain nature is playing a cruel game

I grip the handles of my seat Shivers my skin, tightens my chest The sound of rain and smell of earth Creates in me, a sweet unrest A drop and two And gently it begins Your laughter your gait Memories flood within You’d look back and smile And pull up your skirt Barefoot on the grass Giggly and pert Everytime it thundered You’d cry out aloud And throw open your arms Embracing the cloud Your trembling wet lips Would kiss the flowers breathe in its fragrance all drenched in the shower You’d pull me in rain And dance with joy And awaken my child in me Like a naughty little toy Among everything you brought Into my day Besides love and warmth Was rain and play Like a child you filled My life with bliss Passionate was your love Intoxicating you kiss I seldom doubted myself Before you believed in me Appreciation, beauty and love You made my eyes see Today it rained again And my heart longed for you To touch your wet fingers And see your smile an...

तुम तो चले गए पर वो फिजायें न गयीं दिल को गुदगुदा दे वो ठंडी हवा आज भी बहती है पेड़ पर बैठी पगली कोयल प्यार से कुछ आज भी कहती है गीली मिटटी की सौंधी खुशबू आज भी बहकाती है ठिठुरते तन को बारिश की बूँदें आज भी सहलाती हैं पुराने गानों की वो जानी-सी धुन आज भी सुनाई देती है वो घर, बगीचे, दुकानें आज भी दिखाई देती हैं तुम तो चले गए पर सावन लौट आया है अब हवाएं सहलाती नहीं, तडपाती हैं बारिश की बूँदें बदन में छेद कर जाती हैं जो मन छलांगे भरता था अब दबता सा जाता है जहां एक पल खाली न था अब खालीपन से भरा जाता है एक टूटे दिल के लिए क्या बरसात और क्या नजाकत है सच पूछो मुझे तुमसे नहीं इस मौसम से शिकायत है...